New Beginnings
by Taramisu
Summary: In the midst of their grief, the SG discovers that Slayers never die. They just find a new home. Spoilers for "The Gift".
1. And Then They Grieved

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

SUMMARY: In the midst of their grief, the SG discovers that Slayers never die. They just find a new home.   
RATING: PG or PG-13 for language   
TIMELINE: Directly follows "The Gift"   
DISCLAIMER: I don't own these characters...duh! None of them…not a single person.   
WRITTEN: 5/29/01   
CATEGORY: Drama

Part 1

A deep red light bled over the horizon, bravely heralding the new day.Children awoke.Parents turned off their alarm clocks.They all prepared for another day, just like yesterday.Shower.Dress.Feed the dog.Clean the litter box.Set out breakfast.Brush the teeth.Gather the school books.Lock the door.Off to another day.

Another day.

The world remained the same,its inhabitants blissfully unaware that the world as they had known it came within a hair's width of ending forever just moments ago.Only seven out of billions would ever know.That group alone would suffer and grieve.But that is the way of things.That is how it's been since the beginning of time.

The body lay haphazardly across the ground.As monument to a hero fallen, the shell cooled quickly and began to stiffen.The seven mourners looked on.She was the last one they expected to meet her demise on this day.

***************************************************************

Tears fell along with their hopes and spirits.The only sound they heard was a morning dove, perched high above the tragic scene.It cooed as the new day began, reveling in the sun that managed to rise…that somehow always rose.

There was no need for words between this rag tag group of people.Nothing to convey aside from the terrible pain that clawed each of them from the inside.Not a one could pry himself from his spot.Not a one could imagine continuing from here.What do you say after witnessing the death of an age?

***************************************************************

Willow briefly recalled the moment she heard of Mrs. Summers' passing, and found solace in the idea of mother and daughter together once more and forever.Buffy would pick out videos to play on God's VCR, while Joyce would make hot chocolate and popcorn.Mom always let daughter choose the movie.For her, the time alone with her girl meant so much more than what pictures flickered across a glass screen.So, together, they would plop down on a cloud, press the play button and laugh and cry together.

But then Willow crashed back to reality.A reality without her best friend.Her lover held her sweetly, stroking her back, lending her strength.Much strength would be needed in the coming days, weeks and months.

***************************************************************

Xander felt an odd calm rush over him.Release.That was the word his mind was searching for.Buffy had finally found release.Her life had changed from carefree to burdensome in the blink of an eye five years ago.He imagined her up in heaven somewhere, experiencing those carefree pre-slayer days once more…for eternity.

Still, from her own burden had sprouted something undeniably good.Before he met Buffy, his own world was burdened with the plague of a family who had no interest or need for him.He had no place in this world, nor any connections to anyone in it…besides Willow.Now, through one crisis after another, Xander had found his own release.He now belonged to something greater than anything he had ever known or imagined.He was no longer just the son of the drunken Harris family.Nor was he the useless, no good, piece of shit, lazy bastard that his family had called him since the beginning of time.Xander Harris had a place in this world, at the Slayer's side.

Anya cuddled deeper into him, trying so hard to fill the emptiness he must be feeling.

***************************************************************

Dawn openly wept for the woman she had come to know as sister, friend, mother and protector.She always knew Buffy would protect her until her dying breath. And that she did…all too well.The youngest Summers girl secretly longed to join her family.She even wished for her own death, if only to put an end to her loneliness and sorrow.But then her sister's last words would ring through her head, "You have to be strong, Dawn. The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me."Dawn wouldn't dare let her sister down.Not after the high price that had been paid for this life of hers.No, now was the time for Dawn Summers to start her life.A real life with real memories and real occurrences…by herself.

***************************************************************

The blonde vampire crouched at her side, consumed with overwhelming grief and guilt.His entire world for the last months revolved around the petite Slayer.He swore to himself, and to her, to protect this woman with his life.The end of the story and the bottom line equated to one live vampire and one dead Slayer.Then it struck him, and he fell into depression even further.He hadn't always been sworn to protect her and hers."I'll dance on your grave."His words rang through his mind louder and louder by the minute.There was a time, not all that long ago, when he would have relished the idea of leaving the Slayer for dead, not looking back for a moment.What happened between now and then?Why would the death of a little girl cause this Master Vampire to collapse in grief and weep like a child?What the hell did he have to go and fall in love with her for?

The last end-of-the-world party they attended together, things had been quite different.They had been allies, sure, but unwilling allies if that at all.They way they walked down the street suggested their extreme distrust and dislike for each other.Even the way he had obtained invitation to her home had been strained.But this time, she had finally shown him the trust he had worked so hard for.He had nervously stood at her doorstep, fully aware that he was not allowed inside, while she, the one who had purposely taken away his invitation, overlooked his predicament.It was almost as if she had forgotten how afraid of him she had been in the past weeks, feeling only trust and kinship with him now.Then, when reminded of needing an invitation, she did so without giving it a second thought.And most importantly, she did it without threats or any misgivings.Yes, something grand had happened between Spike and the Slayer.Something that hopefully would not die along with her.

********************************************************

"Spike."

When he heard what could only be a slayerette voice, he couldn't possibly move or even respond.The vampire felt completely lost.When he lost his ability to harm humans, Spike found himself in between worlds, without a place in either.It took Buffy to give him a purpose and a home…but now with her gone, he couldn't even begin to imagine where to go from here.

"Spike!"

No, he would not respond.He would sit here until he figured out what to do and where to go.The reason he had come to Sunnydale in the first place was dead to him now for more reasons than one.

"William!Get up NOW before you burn away in a vampire barbeque!"That voice.That was definitely not one of the girls behind him.That was…

His head jerked up, fantically searching his surroundings."Buffy?!Where are you?"He tried to jump to his feet, but only succeeded in falling to the ground under the broken limbs.By now, the group of humans was staring at him nervously."Spike," Willow began, "Buffy's gone."The words pained her, and her tears started again.

"Oh, crap!Don't tell me you wankers didn't hear that?!"

Six blank stares confirmed that they hadn't.So, perhaps it had been a sick product of his warped mind.Too much guilt, that was it.'She turned me into a damn, poofter.'

"God damn it Spike!Get your ass inside before I haul it in there!I have to live in this body too, you know."This time, he calmly looked around at the faces in front of him.They didn't hear that either.And to compound it, he couldn't see the voice coming from anywhere."Um, mates.I think we have a bit of a situation here."Spike spoke very slowly so as not to panic himself."I'm hearing Buffy's voice."

Now they were all looking at each other, various degrees of disbelief across their faces."Spike,"Willow approached him gently, "let's get you inside while the rest of us take care of things here, ok?The sun's rising."

"That's just what she said.She told me to gaaaaahhh…"Suddenly, his body began to move of its own volition, scampering to the nearest indoor spot.

"Now, next time, listen to me, you overgrown mosquito!"

Spike grew quiet, tilting his head to the side slightly, and looking down at his body."Slayer?Are you in there?" 

To Be Continued...


	2. And Then They Didn't

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 2

Xander peeked in at him."What's the problem here, Spike?Are you losin' it?'Cuz, if you are, I'd like to get this on camera."

Spike's body flew toward the young man, embracing him with Slayer strength."Oh, Xander!You gotta help me out of this…thing!"

Xander immediately became flustered, pawing and clawing at the vampire in a wild attempt at disengaging their bodies from one another."What's your problem, man?!Get…OFF!"

"Xander, it's me.Buffy."Spike looked deep into his nemesis' eyes with a soft look of sadness that was uniquely Buffy's.

"No way!"

Spike managed to regain control and flung himself away from the boy with such force that he tripped backward and landed on his ass."Bloody fuckin' hell!Argh!"

At the noise, Giles entered, face red.With the calm aggressiveness of Ripper, the Englishman ground out, "That is quite enough!You will **_not_** disgrace Buffy's memory with your petty bickering."

Unable to control himself, Spike's mouth blurted out with a Californian accent, "I'm touched, Giles, really I am.But I'm right here and you have to get me out.I am **_so_** not enjoying this trip into the life and body of William the Bloody."He then continued in the accent they were all accustomed to hear coming out of his face, "That's what I've been trying to tell you, Watcher.The Slayer's in my bleedin' head."

Silence descended like a black curtain.

"Wow."Xander's was the first mouth to move.

Then came Dawn's.She ran to embrace the vampire."Oh, Buffy.I knew you wouldn't leave me."Although her affection was not for himself, Spike derived a certain amount of pleasure from this close encounter with the bitty Buffy.There was definitely something more between these women than just implanted memories and artificial emotions.The exchange of pure love gave him just a glimpse of what it was to be truly loved – which made his heart ache for Buffy all the more.

Spike's head began to fill with strange pictures, which he could only assume were memories coming from his reluctant houseguest.An infant held by a five year old girl."Can I be the one to take care of her?"A thirteen year old taking the blame for a broken bottle of perfume in Mom and Dad's bedroom.A fourteen year old cuddling her nine year old sister as she cried over a skinned knee.Then, finally, a grown Slayer protecting Dawn with her life against two older vampires.One with black hair, the other platinum blonde.

At that memory, Buffy and Spike broke the hug, backed off from Dawn and grew quiet in reflection.After a moment of silence, Spike dropped his head."I'm sorry, Buffy.I'm so sorry."His face then rose to greet the Slayer's sister.Tears filled his eyes."Dawn."

"You really are, aren't you?"

"More than you can know."

At that, an event that never even happened helped to pave the way to the vampire's redemption in the eyes of his Slayer.

*******************************************

"Can we please have **_one_** day that doesn't involve research mode?"Xander expressed his exasperation, accented with the slamming of a book.

Willow was quick to retort, "Well, I'm happy for research mode.The alternative is not very pretty."Xander nodded his head, then quickly opened another book.

Spike/Buffy had attempted to help, but only ended up fighting over every little thing.When to turn the page, how fast to scan the page, what position to sit in, whether or not to scratch that itch below the waist…Once Buffy threatened to cut off the first hand that made a move to touch "that", Spike had quit in a childish fit."It itches, Slayer.What the bloody hell am I supposed to do?"

"I don't care what kind of self control you have to harness, there is not a thing on this planet, or any other, that could make me…Ugghh!"

The last the Scooby Gang heard was Spike's rich, deep laugh as they retreated to the training room.

******************************************************

"Forget about how to fix this for just a minute.How the heck did Buffy get transferred to Spike's body?I mean, why him and not one of us?"Willow sometimes found thinking out loud to help her cognitive processes.Unlike Xander, who preferred Twinkies.

"I'm pretty certain Buffy's soul was moved to the closest being devoid of one.As to how or why, I have no clue."Giles removed his glasses and cleaned them with his handkerchief."I'd venture to guess that we'll have to find a suitable host body to transfer her soul into.Of course, that is assuming we are able to find some sort of spell or ritual that would accomplish this."

Willow replied, "Maybe we could tweak the soul restoring spell a bit.You know, specify which soul to restore to the body."

"Wait a freakin' minute here.If we give Buffy another body, will she still be the Slayer?I mean, will she still have her kick ass strength and reflexes?"

Giles rubbed the bridge of his nose."I don't know, Xander.I suppose that would be a small price to pay for having Buffy back."

The room grew quiet.This situation was becoming more complicated by the minute.

It was then that Anya interjected."Well, what about Angel?"With a disgusted look on his face, Xander responded, "What about him?"

"Well, like you sort of mentioned, Willow, Angel's situation is much like Spike's now.Perhaps he would have some insight into the problem."

"I don't think so."Willow answered."He's never wanted to remove his soul.I doubt he even knows as much about it as we do."

"Quite right.I fear we are all on our own with this one."

***************************************

"Will you stop pacing, Slayer?You are driving me batty!"

"Don't worry.You don't have far to go."

Spike forced her to stop."Buffy?"

"Still here.Although I feel like a total idiot talking to myself, and I don't even sound like me.This has got to be the strangest thing…no.I think when Xander…"

"I…I want to apologize for getting you dead."

She stopped for a while, a bit confused and surprised at his declaration."Huh?I'm the one who chose to die."

"But, you never would have done it if it weren't for me."

"Oh, stop flattering yourself, Spike.Not everything is about you."

He ignored the comment and continued."I broke my promise to protect Dawn.I failed.If I hadn't lost that soddin' fight with Doc, her blood would have never been shed, and the portals would have never opened."

Buffy stood in silence for what seemed to Spike as forever.

"You did great, Spike."

"Psshhh!I bloody well buggared the whole thing is what I did!"

"No, you didn't.When Dawn needed you, you were there.I don't know how you knew, or how you did it, but you were there…protecting her with your life.Just as you promised."

The vampire would have loved to stop and revel in the compliment he had received, as he rarely got them from her.But there was one more thing on his mind."But that's not all."

"What?"

"You didn't sacrifice yourself just for Dawn.You didn't even do it just to save the world.You finally got a taste of your bloody death wish."

"That's the most ridiculous…"

"And don't even try to deny it, 'cuz I smelled it on you.Ever since your mum passed, you've wanted to taste death.I should have done something right then."

"Say you're right.Say I felt it.What do you think you could have done about it?"

"Prob'ly nuthin'.But I owed it to you to at least try." 

Buffy ran her fingers through what turned out to be Spike's hair. "You said you'd be there when I did...and have yourself a good day." 

"Ironic, isn't it?Today was nearly the worst soddin' day of my life." 

"You can't possibly mean that." 

"If we weren't like _this_…" Spike motioned toward himself, "I would give you a charming, piercing glare." 

"And I would…"Buffy suddenly clammed up. 

"Nice one, Summers.I'm riveted by your sharp, witty comeback." 

Buffy's consciousness remained quiet, making its host a bit nervous."Slayer?" 

While Buffy held her tongue, she could not hold back the memory of the vampire weeping at the sight of her dead body.Nor could she prevent her conflicted feelings about him from bubbling forth.Spike found himself bathed in tentative distrust, new found respect, and a touch of affection.Whether or not Buffy realized that her emotions were broadcast to the other consciousness, he did not know.But he did suspect that she would be mortified for him to be acutely aware of her kinder sentiments.He could get to like this setup.Oh yeah.This could be real good. 

To Be Continued...


	3. Avis Rent-A-Body

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 3

Willow peeked around the corner, her pre-scooby gang shyness intact."Um, e-everyone's calling it a-a night…or morning, or whatever."Her head shook slightly.

"Yeah!Sure.I'm ready to get out of here.Slip into a warm bath and…okay.Strike that last part."

"Hey!A vamp's gotta wash up sometime."A giggle slipped out momentarily, but was cut short by Buffy.

"I think we covered this already."

"Well, you gotta sleep, luv.Let's just go back to your house.Your Watcher'll have this sorted out in no time, and we'll be back to our own separate bodies before yah know it."

"You better not have done this on purpose!"Willow fully entered the room, in awe of what was happening before her.One body, having a conversation with itself, switching accents and personalities back and forth.It was a psychiatrist's dream come true.

"What!?And when did I have time for that bit of mojo?Between riding cross country in the Xandermobile and being attacked by a bunch of psycho Medieval Times wannabees, I haven't even had time for a decent spot of buffalo wings."

"I don't know, Spike.It just feels better to have someone to blame this on."

Silence.

"Did I just say that aloud?"

Spike and Willow answered in unison, "Yes."

"I-it's okay, Buff.We've already got some ideas.You guys just, um, try not to kill each other, er Spike, and we'll do the rest.Kay?"

"Gee, thanks, Red."

Willow turned to leave, but stalled, then walked back to Spike/Buffy."Are you alright, Buffy?"

Buffy bowed Spike's head and paused before speaking."I really don't know.On one hand, I'm glad this whole deal with Glory and her Key is over…but then there's this.I'm dead and stuck in a body rental.It's like there's never a break, you know.I seem to go from one major disaster to another and I don't think I'm strong enough to handle it."A lone tear escaped Spike's eye and blazed a path down his cheek.

"Oh, bloody hell, Slayer."He wiped his face almost violently."We'll have none of that."

"Yeah, Buffy.There's never been anything you couldn't handle.It's not like this is the first time you died."Willow's attempt at a smile and humor fell just short of Buffy's comprehension in her exhausted state.

"Not only do I lose every one I've ever deeply loved, but now I've lost myself."Willow rushed in and embraced the crying vampire without thinking twice.She did, however, refrain from caressing his back or kissing the top of his head, as she would have done under different circumstances.

"I can't guarantee how we'll fix this, but I swear we will."Taking out a tissue, she wiped the tears away, then cupped Spike's chin in her hand and raised his eyes to hers."I promise.See?Resolve face."

Buffy curled Spike's lips into a soft smile and thanked her.

"And, Spike?"

It was amazing, the change on the vampire's face when Spike became the one in control.That sure footed, confidence shined right through."Yeah?"

"Take care of her, like I know you can.She doesn't need your sarcasm right now.Got it, buddy?"Willow spoke with her new found authority and strength.Whether or not she liked that feeling was still up for debate.

"You can count on me."

She really hoped so.

**********************************************************

Buffy/Spike threw off the old blanket on the way in the door, then collapsed on the Summer's couch.Not far behind was a fourteen year old, giddy to still have at least part of her family left."So, what do we do today?"Dawn's exuberance tired Buffy just by the sight of her and the excitement in her voice.

"Well, to start with, you're sure as heck not going to school."

Dawn just stared at Spike."That has to be Spike talking."

"Nope, all Buffy.We've all had a horrible few days, and I don't think missing the last few days of classes is going to kill you…not if Glory couldn't do it."

"Nice choice of words, luv."

"Shut up, blood-breath."

"Hey, you smell just like me."

Buffy sighed in frustration and stomped upstairs, leaving a confused sister to watch after Spike's retreating figure."Where are you guys going?"

"To bed."

"I always knew we'd end up in bed together."

"What was that you promised to Willow?Oh yeah, NO SARCASM."

"Who's being sarcastic?"

Once Dawn heard the familiar slamming of Buffy's bedroom door, she went into the kitchen to eat the last of the available food.After all, she knew her sister wouldn't be eating much…not in her current mood and predicament.

*******************************************************

The harsh ringing of the telephone awoke Xander before the first ring finished.His sleep was fitful, considering the events of this morning.Plus, he never slept well without Anya.She would be staying at Sunnydale Memorial Hospital for a few days.Thankfully for his caller, Anya had insisted her fiancé stay home to get some real rest.It had taken some hard core convincing, but she had finally managed.A thousand years as a vengeance demon gives you a bit of an edge on arguments.

"Yeah?"

"It's me."The unmistakable English accent lofted over the phone."I have come to the conclusion that there is no way short of murder to obtain another healthy body for Buffy."

"Giles, there has to be a way.We'll just need some rest and…"

"No!I've thought this through thoroughly.Now, what I want to do is bring Buffy's body back then replace her soul where it belongs."

"Whoa, whoa.Back up man.Her body is toast.It's drained of all the blood and has been dead for at least three hours."

"Yes, I am aware of that.This is why we have to move very quickly.I want you to obtain at least 17 units of O positive blood, and…you better write this down."

"Where the hell am I going to get…"  


"Xander, I know you can pull this off.Just find a way, alright?We don't have another choice, and time is running short."

The young man considered how important this must be for Giles to sound so desperate."I've got the pen and paper.Roll."

"Buffy's blood type is O positive, thankfully.That should make it easier to obtain the amount I am requesting of you.I'll need 10 liter bags of saline, 5 sets of IV blood tubing, and a couple 20 or 18 gauge angiocaths…er IV needles. Also, I'm going to need several amps of epinephrine, atropine, 5cc syringes and 18 gauge needles. Do you think you can get the correct items?This is very important for you to get right."

"For Buffy, anything."

"Oh, and you better bring some iodine, alcohol and medical tape too."

"Bring it all to your place?"

"Yes, thank you."

Xander had no idea Giles was so versed in medical equipment.Perhaps it was part of Watcher training.After all, that kind of knowledge and skill would undoubtedly come in very handy with a Slayer. Especially since this was nothing that a trained medical professional could do, which made taking the Slayer to the hospital way out of the question. 

TBC


	4. Dreams

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 4

As Dawn made her way up the stairs toward her bedroom, she detected a thumping which was becoming louder and louder.She cocked her head to the side in an attempt to discern the cause of the noise.The sound definitely wasn't the refrigerator.That old beast made more of a growling whine.No, the noise was coming from upstairs.It was a somewhat familiar sound.One she used to hear when Riley…oh God!'Oh God' she thought, sprinting up the stairs and slamming her way into the older sister's bedroom.

"You are NOT…"

Dawn stopped speaking suddenly at the sight before her.Spike was sprawled out on the bed, with blankets twisted around him and a scowl on his face that would frighten the Master.An old boot lay on the dresser where knickknacks used to reside.Broken porcelain figurines were splintered across the carpeting.She could barely see into the bathroom, but figured that must be Mr. Gordo floating in the toilet.

"What are you guys **_doing_** in here?!This better not be some kinky sex thing."

Spike/Buffy finally budged from their deer caught in the headlights stare."Thanks so much for that imagery, Dawn."Spike yanked himself out of the mess of beddings.

"There.Are you happy now, Slayer?You've bothered li'l sis?"

Dawn just shook her head, then retreated to her own bedroom, calling out behind her, "And you think I'm the child in this house."

"Just take the other boot off, alright?"

"Not if you're just going to smother me with those bloody blankets.I may not have to breathe, but I can get claustrophobic, you know."

"Give me a break, Spike.This body is freezing.I can't sleep without warming up a little…and before you **_even_** think about saying you can warm me up…DON'T!"

"Wha'?**Me**?Say something crude?You must be thinking of another vampire.I've heard terrible things about those ruffians."

Smirk in place, Spike yanked his shoe off, tossing it off the bed arbitrarily.Upon hearing another breaking of glass, Buffy huffed, threw Spike onto the pillow and covered up with every blanket on the bed."Now, can you manage to sleep without irritating me, fang-boy?"

Spike didn't bother to answer.He just let out a bit of a snicker and allowed Buffy to make herself comfortable.

************************************************************

"Absolutely, Giles.I'll start work on it right away."Willow set the receiver back into its base.

"What does he have in mind?"Tara yawned through her sentence.

"He was too hurried to go into detail, but he wants me…us to tweak the soul restoration spell, just the way I had mentioned earlier.Do you have any ideas?"Willow looked up at Tara with a quiet desperation.Sure, she had offered the solution, but she didn't know how to actually do it.

"Don't worry sweety.We'll figure it out together."Tara slipped her arm around the red-head and lead her to the bookshelf.

************************************************************

Her bed never felt this comfortable.I mean **_really_** comfy.The sheets were so soft and the mattress gave in just the right places, comforting the pain she felt in her back and neck from Spike's incredible fall of 20 stories.But then Buffy realized that she wasn't the one who found it so cozy, it was Spike.After all, he was used to lying down for the day on that hard sarcophagus.'Imagine,' she thought to herself, 'going back to that cold, dark place every day.No family.No friends.No refrigerator with fresh raspberries, diet coke, or skim milk.No microwave to warm hot chocolate.No carpet to pad your feet when you go to the bathroom at 3am.'It was no wonder he spent so much time at her house with Joyce.She closed his eyes once again, in an attempt to sleep in this comfortable bed, but inside a strange, cold body with another inhabitant.

But before she could drift off, loud, vivid images filled her mind.It was like watching a movie from the inside.

"It's always about the blood."Spike's voice whispered from nowhere.

Then she saw flashes of the past, each accompanied with a roar of sound…no…voices.Too many for any to be heard.Between the flashes, there was silence.A Chinese girl ruthlessly bitten by a brown haired vampire.Dru and that same vampire joined in carnal pleasure in front of the corpse.A flash of blood following a quick slash of a neck by black fingernails.Angelus, long hair, evil smile, blood dripping down his lips.Darla smashing the head of a young William the Bloody into the stone wall of a church.Angelus and Dru naked and covered in blood.William Walthrop's exposing his neck with tears running down his face.The anointed one killed at the hands of Spike.A blonde girl fighting demons, green blood covering her face and hands.A flash of blonde hair in a fury."Remind me why we keep you around, William."Black finger nailed hands breaking a young boy's neck.Bloodied fists.A black haired and blonde haired vampire seductively dancing in a pool of red liquid.That same blonde vamp in a wheel chair watching Angelus and Dru fuck.Spike beating Angelus bloody with a crow bar.The blonde girl drinking at the far table in the corner, watching her friends dance.That same girl having sex with a large, dumb looking man."That's when I kill you."The dumb man with blood dripping down several wounds on his arms, neck and chest.A small, white, sterile room.Fluorescent lights in the ceiling and the sound of a clink.A bloody penny held in a pair of fingers.The blonde girl dancing seductively in a club.Three bags of red fluid.A coffee cup reading "kiss the librarian".A bottle of cheap beer.A broken bottle of beer in an eye, streaming blood.Spike having sex with a dumb looking blonde vampire.A wooden door.Another wooden door.The first door with the blonde's face in the window.The second door opening to an older man in tweed.Spike chained up in a tub.Spike standing outside a house, surrounded with cigarette butts.Spike in a wheelchair, sitting outside a door.William in the corner.Laughter.Dru crying, "Where's Daddy gone?"William watching a young girl in a beautiful dress.A group of familiar, angry people throwing Spike out into the sunlight.The blonde throwing a wad of cash at a vampire on the ground.Spike attacking a red-head but then pulling back in pain.Dru in the arms of a large, antlered demon.Riley staking the blonde vamp in the heart.Looking down at a bloodied hand.Angel with pokers in his torso.Running through the woods away from men in camo.The blonde girl and vampire beating each other.Spike in front of the blonde girl with a shotgun.Buffy and Spike in a moment of passion.The blonde vamp sitting up suddenly in a fervor.Spike chained to the ceiling, dripping blood on the floor beneath.A young girl kneeling at a fresh grave.The young girl on a sarcophagus, leaning in toward the blonde vampire.Spike holding his bloodied belly, running from a large demon's nest with eggs.Spike driving an RV.A vampire drinking blood from a bag.The red-head smiling in his direction.Xander offering a light.Spike flying up a tower.The young girl with a look of terror.Spike standing in the foyer of the blonde's house.

Then, abruptly, the slide show ceased.

"Its always about Buffy."Spike's voice rang out.

Buffy lay there stunned.The utter feeling of loneliness and destruction that prevailed in the beginning of Spike's dream had, by the end, been replaced with a sincere feeling of belonging and peace.The fact that he held such strong, terrifying emotions was completely unknown to Buffy…until now.Out of the myriad of emotions that had accompanied each glimpse she had gotten into the life of William the Bloody, one struck her.The loneliness.No matter what Spike had tried to do with his excess of time, he was never able to shake the feeling of being outside.That is, until he came across Buffy.The emotion that Spike gave off was too familiar…too real.How many times had she stood in the middle of a crowded room feeling like the only soul there?She tried to imagine living over a century feeling that way.The body she inhabited shuddered.

"Buffy?What's wrong?"

"Nothing.Just go back to sleep."She should have been content to let her catharsis for him wither away.It should have been enough for her just to chalk this experience up as another good mark in the Spike column, then continue to verbally fence with him.But something compelled her to speak.

The vampire was just about to do what his companion suggested when his mouth started to move again."I lied.It's not nothing."

Spike sighed."What did I do now?"

"Nothing…yet."

"Don't worry, luv.It won't be long."She giggled just a tad.

"I think that's the first time you ever sniggered at one of my jokes."

'Sniggered?'Spike reached up and rubbed his forehead."Is there some reason you're keepin' me awake, pet?"

"You were dreaming."

At first, he didn't think twice about it.But then he realized what that could mean.He had seen just a few images from Buffy's memories, and that was while she was awake and in control of herself.

Buffy felt Spike's body tense up.He sat them up cautiously, then spoke with obvious forced flippancy."So, wha'd the ol' Gulliver have to say?"

"Probably more than you'd like me to know."His feet began to nervously twitch."But don't worry.Nothin' bad."She skipped a beat."Except for all the blood.Geeze."

"Just tell me what's got your knickers in a twist, alright?"

"Spike…"She used Spike's right hand, placing it on his left hand."I've never thanked you properly."

He was very tempted to say she never thanked him at all, but knew that would only serve to punt her right out of this rare mood she was in."It's the least I can do."

"To prevent the loneliness?"

Spike froze stiff.That was something no one on this earth knew about.Something he was terrified of and embarrassed about.Big Baddies weren't lonely for god's sake."No, because I…it's just that…"

"It's okay, Spike.I feel it too.Like you're never quite a part of anything in your life.You're always on the outside looking in."

When he didn't respond to her, she just continued."Like, I'm not really a part of this Slayer gig.I separated from the Council long ago.But I'm not part of 'civilian' life either.I never will be.I'll never get to do the things they do.Despite Giles and Willow and Xander and the rest, I'm still on the outside."

He couldn't believe it.This was the most Buffy had said to him in…well, forever."I can only imagine how hard it was for you all those years.Angelus not really accepting you.Dru never really being yours.Then you got the chip and **really** didn't belong anywhere."

It was then that he realized she wasn't speaking to him at all.This was all just floating around in her head.

"But I'm not lonely any more, Slayer.You and Dawn.You gave me purpose, you know.A reason to belong in this bloody world."

Buffy recoiled in reflection.

"What would take away **your** loneliness?"The question caught her off guard.She had certainly thought about it on more than one occasion, but never came up with a good, succinct answer.

"I-I don't know.Someone I can be myself with.Someone who can know everything and not judge me."

"What about your friends?They seem to be pretty into you."

"They don't know everything about me.They wouldn't understand it all."

"How do you know?"

"What?You're not psycho-babbling me now are you?"

"No.I just want to know what it is you can't tell your Watcher and your groupies."

Her initial reaction was to feel a bit exposed by this vampire and to tell him to mind his own business.But she somehow got a vision of Spike on his knees at her dead body, weeping.Then came the sight of Glory beating the shit out of him as he uttered with all his strength, "you'll never find out who the soddin' key is."If she couldn't bare her soul for the man who did the same for her, then who could she bare it to?

"I can't tell them…"

"Go on, luv."Now Spike was leaning forward, hugging his knees, as if he were moving in closer to give her his full attention.

"…how much like Faith I really am.I hated her, you know.Hated her more than I ever hated a vampire or demon, because she was me."

They sat quiet for a while.

"You're afraid of becoming her?Yeah, I can see that.And I can also see if you went to Red or the Watcher they'd just tell yah 'Oh, you'll never turn into Faith, Buffy.You're too good inside.' And you don't wanna hear that.The dark side of your being is inviting.It's scary and invigoratin'.It makes you hot.It makes you feel like you finally belong to somethin'.I get that."

Spike always spoke volumes of truth.She could always count on him for the straight score.

"It's one of the reasons you fell for Angelus."

And she could always count on him to say something stupid.

To Be Continued...


	5. Confrontations and Truths

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 5

Just as it slipped out, Spike realized he said something he aughtn't have.Then Buffy grew silent.Granted, it was the truth, but there's a time and a place for everything…and this was not it.

"Listen, Slayer.Just forget I said anything, alright?"He bowed his head and rubbed his brow in frustration.

"No!You said it.Let's talk about it for a minute."

'Too bad she's not in her own body.She's so gorgeous when she's mad.'

"Then no wonder you fell in love with me.I can't remember any more than a handful of times when you didn't infuriate me."

"Ooh, big word."  
  
"Shut up Spike!I want to know what you meant about Angel.Come on.You've already said it, now cough it up.What does loving Angel have to do with any of this?"

It wasn't anything she didn't already know.Just something she had yet to admit to herself.Spike took a deep breath and closed his eyes as he began to speak."You…"This was going to end badly for both of them, he could tell."You see…"His face grew dark in defeat.There was no way to sugar coat this any more.If she didn't believe him, so be it.

"A normal man isn't gonna be good enough for you, pet."

She attempted to cross her arms and give a snarl, but realized she couldn't stare daggers at him from inside, so she just sat quietly.

"I once told Fish-boy that you needed a little monster in your man.Now, maybe that was more for his benefit than the actual truth, but you know it as well as I do.No white bread farm boy can bloody cut it.Can he?"

No response.

"You have a black place deep down in your soul.I can feel it.It's evil, dark, frightening, but most of all, it's there.You can't give yourself to someone who doesn't understand that.Someone who doesn't share that."

"And, so this means I should just give up on finding someone who treats me decent, who takes me out for burgers and talks to me about The Backstreet Boys because I have to settle for…you?"

That hurt.Almost as much as the "you're beneath me" comment.But he knew she wasn't really angry with him for pointing out the truth.She was pissed that it **was** the truth.God.Didn't she realize by now that she'll never be a house wife with a husband, 2.6 kids and a white picket fence, even if she did abandon her superhero duties?She was not made from the same mold as other humans.She was different; as close to a vampire as you can get without losing your soul.Fair.No.But that's life.

"It seems to me being true to yourself by sharing your soul with a like creature isn't settling.It's as close to happy as you're ever gonna get.It's as close to happy as **anyone** ever gets."

The next sentence wouldn't come out of his mouth.It sat right there on his tongue as he tried to keep himself from thinking it too loud.She had already hurt him too many times.Why invite another shoot down?No, he decided not to say it.

"And I just want to be the one who makes you happy."How the hell did that slip out?Spike was terrified.It didn't even sound like his voice as it squeaked through.'Damnit!Can't I ever keep my gob shut?'

Hearing no response, Spike just held on for dear life, awaiting the tirade of "you could never make me happy" and "I would never love you" and who could forget "you disgust me".That was always his 'favorite'.'She wouldn't bloody stake me, would she?I mean, she would die too, and…'

Suddenly, Spike felt Buffy's emotions hit him like a Mack truck.Resignation.Acceptance.A tear pooled in his eye."Yeah, I get that," Buffy whispered, echoing Spike's words from earlier.

The rest of the day, they lay without words, without motion, thoughts trading back and forth, sleep taking them eventually.

Some time in the middle of their sleep, Spike gently snuggled up his body in the Slayer's blankets, only to awaken in the morning to find them carefully discarded to the side.

TBC


	6. A Quantum Leap

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 6

"Can I help you, sir?"

Xander froze for a brief moment, forced to choose between his fight or flight response, and using his dazzling intellect to dance him out of this situation. He was clearly ready to choose the former when the scrub-clad woman continued.

"Oh. Thanks, um," she looked down at the name tag attached to his stolen...er, borrowed lab jacket, "Alberto. We needed some more supplies. I was just about to call you." She swiftly turned and busied herself with her hospital responsibilities while Xander breathed a large sigh of relief. He faintly wondered how irritated she would be to return and find the stock room even more naked than before 'Alberto' had arrived.

Xander covertly slung the bag across his shoulder and made a bee line for Giles' car.

******************************************************

"Here I come to save the day!" Xander sang on his way into Giles' apartment. Had the inhabitant of this place understood the reference to a vintage cartoon, he may have actually smiled. As it stood, Giles bore a stern look of contemplation, which Xander knew from experience would not leave until Buffy was settled into her own body.

"I hope I got all the right stuff. I never knew there were so many different kinds of needles, all in different colored packages."

The older man grabbed the bag and rifled through it, instinctively fearing that the boy had failed to produce the correct items. To his surprise and relief, they were all there. "Good work, Xander. Now, let's get to work."

His hands were unsteady with the strange equipment, but he certainly seemed to know what he was doing. Before long, there were 5 sets of tubing, each with a bag of IV solution at the top, hanging on anything and everything in the living room. "You actually know what to do with all that stuff?"

"Of course."

"You are just a Watcher right? You told us about your Ripper days, but I don't remember you getting a medical degree at any point."

Obviously annoyed, the Watcher responded, "Relax. She can't get any worse, right?"

Just as Xander was about to say something terribly witty, yet liable to earn him a smack in the head, Willow and Tara waltzed in the door.

"Were you able to alter it?"

"I think so." Tara gave Willow a dirty look and amended the red-head's statement.

"Yes, Mr. Giles. It's good."

Xander's wondered about the happiness clause, wanting to ask if that was hopefully still in place, but decided to forego the question. As much as he loved Anya, he still had a soft spot for Buffy. It stung every time she was intimate with a man. All he knew was that it shouldn't feel that way, but it just did.

"This is wonderful news. Now all we need is Buffy and we can begin." No one wanted to volunteer to call the Summers' house. It was a bit freaky to see their beloved Slayer's body lying on the floor and knowing they would be speaking to the annoying vampire's voice on the other end of the phone. The situation felt like a surrealistic dream.

"Oh, for pity sake. I'll call him...I mean her." Giles' escaped to the back room to make the call.

***********************************************************

Buffy was the first to awaken to the incessant ringing in Spike's ear. "Hello?"

"We need you here, at my place. We've come up with a solution to your predicament and are ready to proceed. Please get here quickly." Buffy assured him they would.

"Spike. We gotta go...**now**." 

"I'm sleepin'.Go 'way." 

Buffy responded with a kindness unusual for her, "I know you're used to sleeping during the day.God knows you need it.But they've found a way to get me out of you and we have to get there quick." 

"Quickly." 

"Since when were you an English teacher?" 

"English professor, bad poet, same thing." 

"Yeah, 'cuz your own language is right out of Webster's." 

"Are we going or not?"It wasn't like the vampire to shy away from their verbal sparring.Buffy chalked it up to sleep deprivation and agreed to move on. 

Spike gathered up his boots from around the room, and slowly tied them."Did I mention that we're sort of in a hurry?" 

"Yeah, I heard that, ducks."Once the shoes were on, he sauntered around the room searching for his duster. 

"Come on, Spike.You can pick it up later." 

"Right.Just let me do one thing first."Once again, Spike wandered around the room, this time into the bathroom.He slowly bent down, lifted the small pig out of the toilet and proceeded to wash it off in the sink. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Washing off Mr. Gordon.What does it look like?" 

"It's Mr. Gordo and it really looks like you're stalling.What's the deal?I thought you couldn't wait to get me out of your head." 

He stopped drying off the stuffed animal, and simply hung his head."What ever gave you that idea?" 

"Well, maybe it was the last few hours of irritation and arguing, but I can't be sure."She tried to smile, but couldn't get his face to budge. 

"I'm going to miss this, luv.I mean, you've only been here for a short while, but I kind of liked getting to know you better."'I'm sounding like a fruit loop.Why can't I just shut up and leave with her?' 

"You don't sound like a…what was that?Fruit loop?I…"She dusted a few of her hairs off of his pants."I learned a lot about you.A lot of stuff I wouldn't have the old fashioned way, you know?" 

"Yeah."

The faucet dripped behind them.A bird called to its mate outside the window.

"You're not going back to…"She caught herself, uncertain how much to share with him and also unsure of how much he already knew.

"To what?!"He had assumed she was about to make some reference to his lifestyle.After all, isn't that what it always came down to?

"Your crypt."

The rest of the sentence stunned him stupid.

"You know, big ugly stone building in the middle of the cemetery?Has a sarcophagus in the center and a basement with a Buffy-shrine in it?"He felt the comfort she reflected.Her tone did not hold the hatred and fear it once had.She was actually playing with him…like he had seen her do with Red, Riley Fish, the Watcher and that Xander guy.

"Why?"

"It's so…lonely there.Wouldn't you rather be around people or something?"Suddenly, the idea struck her as ludicrous.Spike, the vampire who once referred to humans as 'happy meals with legs', choosing to live with humans for company.What was she thinking?

"Depends on who I'd have to put up with.I don't find too many people tolerable.That's why I live alone."

Buffy dropped her joking attitude completely."No, you live alone because you didn't fit in anywhere.Now you do."

*******************************************************************

"Is she coming or what?"

Perhaps she and Spike are arguing again."

*******************************************************************

Rather than discuss the issue of belonging, he simply accepted it."Where would you have me live?I don't have any cash.I don't make a wonderful roommate.Just ask Angelus.I like my music loud and I'm a night person.And who wants to get up in the morning, pour themselves a glass of orange juice only to get a Bloody Mary?"

"Stay with me.Stay with us."

Once, again, he was stunned stupid.His face dropped, showing his utter disbelief of the words he had just heard.

To Be Continued...


	7. And the Wall Came Tumbling Down

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 7

Under different circumstances, he should have doubted what he had just heard.But with Buffy and himself directly linked, there was no mistaking it.The ever composed, closed and hard Slayer had finally broken down her wall and admitted she had feelings for him.Him!

The room spun just a bit.Butterflies fluttered in his gut.His mind uncontrollably flitted from his first memory of her, to the first time she broke his heart, to what he envisioned in their future.

Buffy furrowed his brow."Hold on there Dead-Boy.Don't make me regret asking."

"No.No.Of course not.I-I'd love to."Spike tilted his head to the side."What's your Watcher gonna say?He's not exactly my biggest fan."

"Oh God!We gotta go."Buffy reached under her bed and yanked out the weathered duster.As Spike's body pounded down the stairs, black leather flared behind.

********************************************************************

They half expected Buffy to follow Spike into the store.It wasn't every day two consciousnesses inhabited one body.Well, maybe on some of those sci-fi television shows, but who has time to watch TV?

The group had long ago started the procedure once Willow remembered that Angel was not near when she did his soul restoration.Giles had eventually managed to insert an IV.Eleven empty blood bags lay on the floor at his feet.Various wrappers and caps were scattered about like garbage at a family picnic.

Willow and Tara sat together, an orb of Thesila in front of them."How are we Giles?"Will called across the room.

"Just a few more units to go."He then shifted his attention to Spike."Just have a seat on the couch, uh, Spike."

'I love it when he's at a loss.'

'You love to see anyone uncomfortable.'

'True'

'So, you gonna miss me when I leave?'

'Nope'

'What kind of thing is that to say to the woman you love?'

'You may be leaving, but I'm not goin' anywhere, pet.'

Xander took a break from his nervous pacing to glance over at the vampire who housed his friend.Spike's constant change of expression and attitude further impressed upon him the reality of the situation.What they were thinking to each other was a mystery to him."What are you two doing?"

"The Slayer was just telling me her carnal plans for me once she gets her body back."Spike raised one eyebrow and smiled roguishly.Suddenly, Spike punched himself in the gut and yelled, "Shut up anemic boy, before I…"

Spike smiled apologetically at Xander."She hasn't been her usual sharp, witty self lately.Here, let me help you out, Slayer."His eyes rolled up toward the ceiling as he thought."Shut up before I…pour holy water in your blood stash.Shut up before I…remember the beast you are and stake your ass.Shut up before I…take a long walk on the beach at noon.Shut up before I…"

"Spike, do shut up!"Giles shouted without removing his eyes from his task.

"Yeah, Spike, do!"Buffy shot out.

He just smiled then sat coolly on the Watcher's couch.

'I liked that holy water idea."

'Yeah, well, don't get it into your blonde head to actually do it, luv.I make very stubborn dust.You'll be vacuuming for weeks trying to get it out of the upholstery.'

The feminine giggle coming from a 126 year old, formerly Bad Ass vampire attracted everyone's attention and caused a chain reaction of laughter throughout the shop.It was the first laugh they had shared since…well, they couldn't quite remember when.But it felt good to be free once again.

"Let's do this, people."With that one cue from Giles, the ritual began.

Four members of the Scooby Gang came to life with purpose, while the remaining member on the sofa grew reticent.

'I guess this is it then, Slayer.'

'We can only hope this works. How the hell can they bring back a body that's been dead for hours?And what am I supposed to do when it doesn't work?'Raw fear saturated Spike as his hands started wringing themselves.Before the fear could overcome him, Spike grabbed his right hand with his left, stroking it gently.

'Buffy.If it doesn't work, then you know you will never be lonely again.'

Somehow his words touched her soul.He felt her being completely relax into his body for the first time.She let all her cares and worries drift away as she allowed herself to simply exist within him.Spike imagined that he was holding her warm body in his arms, kissing the top of her silky, blonde head.

'Maybe I won't feed you holy water after all.'It wasn't the words that gripped his heart, but the sentiment behind them.Her thought was filled with unadulterated gentleness and love.

To Be Continued...


	8. Nail Biting

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 8

"At the precise moment the spell is complete, I want to inject the epinephrine.When do you suggest I do that?"

"Well, when you hear the phrase, 'Asa sa fie! Acum!'…"

Buffy's mind went blank for a second.All that techno mumbo jumbo, probably meaning there was a large chance of this screwing up, did not do much for her anxiety level.

"Xander, how long have I been dead now?"

"Oh, over 100 years, why?"

Spike's urge to laugh was quickly overcome by his roommate's Evil Eye to Xander. 'Oh, come on!It was funny!'

"You're not helping, Xander."

"Oh!I didn't mean to be a smart ass.I mean, I like to be a smart ass, it's sort of, how does Spike say that?It's my raisin tetra."

"Raison d'être, you moron."

"Yeah, whatever.I thought you were him and…well, you, Buffy, have been dead for about 6 hours now."Xander scrunched up his face in contemplation."Ok, I thought I'd heard myself say every strange thing that could be said.That was **_way_** out there."

Buffy shot up from Spike's seat and began to pace."Slayer, sit down, would you?You're driving me batty."

"As I said before, not too far to go."She turned her attention to Willow and Tara."So, is this thing going to work, or am I going to end up in Xander this time?Or worse yet, some passing chaos demon.I don't want to have antlers.Ooo!And I don't want to end up in some unidentified demon that came out of the portal.Who knows what could happen then.You'd probably never see me again.You think Spike and I don't get along, you should see me try to get along with a demon who doesn't understand shopping, or exfoliation, or bathing, or chocolate, or…"

"Buffy, do shut up!"Giles glared at the duo again.

"Hey!"

"Yes, Buffy, do."Spike could barely get the words out of his mouth before she slapped him in the back of the head.

"I don't get it.You're just hitting yourself you know."

"Force of habit, Spike.Besides, it's worth it."

A genuine smile crept to the pale vampire's face.The moment of peace was short lived, however, as the Watcher announced that he was ready for the spell to begin.

Without a moment of hesitation, Willow and Tara joined hands and began to chant the infamous words of the ensouling spell."Te implor, Doamne, nu ignora aceasta rugaminte…"Their eyes went black as night, a sure sign that they had tapped into the magicks. 

Buffy and Spike looked around at everyone.Giles sat reverently at Buffy's side, syringe in hand. 

"…al fiintei…" 

Xander had become quite pale.Beads of sweat formed on his upper lip and brow. 

"Lasa orbita sa fie vasul care-i va transporta, sufletul la Elizabeth Anne Summers…"Willow poured a sample of skin and hair over the orb.Spike absentmindedly wondered why it wasn't blood until Buffy reminded him she had none left. 

"Asa sa fie! Asa sa fie! Acum!" 

Faintly, Buffy heard Spike whimper her name.His eyes glowed and his body collapsed in a painful heap on the floor as he grasped his head.Perhaps he thought if he held it tight enough, it would not explode from the pressure.The next thing Buffy felt was Spike's cool body disappearing and being replaced with ice cold.Ice cold what she could not see.She felt herself tumbling down a dark tube…a passageway.In the distance she could hear Giles' voice, scared and worried.Then she heard Willow screaming and Tara crying.The surroundings became colder still.Spike's voice screamed in agony.Colder and colder until finally…nothing.She was no longer falling.She felt no cold, no heat, no pain, no movement.No consciousness. 

*******************************************************************

TBC


	9. Awakenings

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 9

Warmth.She was so comfortably warm.It was as if she were wrapped in the fluffy, blue and white quilt from Grandma.Her back ached.Her head throbbed.Her joints screamed in pain.But she was so very warm…and calm…and…familiar.

Buffy opened her eyes.She was in a bed.Her bed.The blinds were closed tight, but she could see by the glow that it was day time.Still?Again?

She lifted up a hand, smiling at its golden color…almost giggling at its warmth and softness.Her hand.Her body.She mentally cheered.Leave it to Willow and Giles to come up with a miracle.She rubbed her hands over her frame, starting with her breasts.Yup, both there.Her body.Her breasts.Her belly and thighs.Never mind the incredible pain radiating from everywhere.That she could handle.That at least was hers.It was **_her_** pain.

Buffy then searched a little harder, straining to hear someone besides herself in her head.No one.Nothing answered.All alone here, in her mind, her body, her room, her bed.She smiled a bittersweet grin.

Then the memories came back.The screaming and crying and voices.Her friends.Her family.What had happened?Obviously it worked.After all, here she was.Buffy body with Buffy soul.She could see.She could hear.She could feel.She could think.But what if the spell had some sort of unseen affect on Spike?Oh, dear God.

She sat up quickly, immediately regretting it.The blood plummeted to her feet, leaving her feeling lightheaded and drugged.As her head cleared, she surveyed the room.Next to her on the bed was a large lump with a white/blonde head.Further away, crumpled into the room's only chair was Dawn.She could only assume that the rest of the group was not far.

Buffy tentatively ran her hand over Spike's mussed up hair.He did not stir.She leaned down and whispered in his ear."Spike."Still no movement.'Oh, shit.'"Come on, jerk.Don't make me worry about you."She jostled him slightly.Nothing.

"Buffy!"Dawn unfolded, coming to life instantly upon hearing her sister's voice."You…you're awake!"She looked at the doorway and yelled."She's awake!!"Her proclamation was followed by five sets of thundering footsteps.

Instead of seeing the smiling face of their twice dead Slayer, they encountered a solemn one."Is he okay?I mean, he'll wake up, right?"

"W-w-we don't know that yet.We didn't even know if you'd wake up."Tara took the results of the spell personally.

"Yeah.I mean, we've been waiting for you for days,"Anya offered.

Giles crossed the room and held her hand."Whatever happens to Spike, at least we have you back.You can't imagine…"

"What?!After everything that we've been through with him…everything he's done for us, you still see him as…as garbage?What if that were Xander lying there?Or Willow?I'd hate to think you'd say the same thing about them.'Oh, it doesn't matter what happens to the vampire.At least we have our Slayer back.'"

Xander moved toward her."He didn't mean it like that.It's just that, well, if we had to choose between you or him…"

"Shut up, Xander!"She held her hand to him."Just…shut up."

Everyone slowly filed out of the room with Willow staying behind."Buffy."The redhead walked toward her friend and sat next to her.The mattress swayed a bit, giving Spike the only movement they had seen since before the spell.

Willow took Buffy's hand in hers."Welcome back."She smiled a sad little smile.Buffy looked up at her face and returned it."Thanks, Willow.Really.If it weren't for you, we'd all be in Hell right now.You've really grown a lot since we first met."

"Well, so have you.We've come a long way, baby."

"Do you have to recite cigarette ads?"

She giggled."No."

Buffy quickly looked back at Spike then returned her attention to the blinded window."We've all changed.I mean, look at Xander.He used to be a screw up.A loveable screw up, but one nonetheless"

"Yeah, and now he's engaged to be married, has a real job and ..."

"Engaged to be what?!"

She giggled again."Yeah.He and Anya promised each other they would marry if there was still a church left on earth to do it in."

"Wow."

"Yeah, wow."

"And then there's Giles.He's, well, I can't say he's really changed all that much."

"Sure he has, Buff.He used to be stiff shirt guy.He's grown a sense of humor.I think you've been really good for him.He really loves you, you know."

"Yeah, I know.How could he not?I'm the best Slayer…ever!"

The two erupted into full laughter.

Buffy was the first to cease."Then there's Spike."

"Yeah.Talk about change."

"You know, he's not the tough guy he tries to be."

At this statement, Willow looked at Buffy sideways, with her eyes narrowed."So, all those times he tried to kill us…that was just his way of trying to fit in?"

"I learned a lot about him in there."She motioned over to the sleeping vampire.

"I take it you have a little soft spot for him now."

"You could say that.Did you know that Angelus never accepted him as a vampire?"  
  


"What do you mean?"

"His own sire hated him from the start.Dru only stayed with him because her 'Daddy' was gone.Darla never even tolerated him.He was an outcast as a human. He was an outcast as a vampire.He's an outcast as a neutered vampire.Kind of like me."

Now Willow had really lost the conversation."Huh?"

"I don't belong with humans.I get them dead.I don't belong with the Council.They just try to control me."

"Yeah, but you belong with us.We're all kind of a mess of…whatever we are."

"Yeah.I belong with you.So does Spike."

Buffy got off the bed, rocking Spike's body again."It was easy before to treat him like any other vampire.To treat him like vermin.That's all he was to me.A wolf in sheep's clothing."She paused to reflect."But now I know better.He's more human than some of us."

Willow couldn't believe what Buffy was saying."Is that because of the chip?Did it do something else to his brain?"

"No.It didn't."

Willow watched in horror as her best friend circled around the bed, knelt at Spike's side, then gently kissed his forehead."He's not going to be lonely ever again."

"I-I think I'll go downstairs and…um…go downstairs."She sprinted out the room, shutting the door behind her and then down the stairs.

"Shit.She's probably telling them all that I've gone nuts."Buffy looked down at her position, one hand on Spike's head, the other on his shoulder."Maybe I have at that."

Buffy leaned in close to his ear."Hey, shit head.You promised me you wouldn't go anywhere.Well, this doesn't count.Get up so I can kick your ass for making me act like a fruit cake in front of Willow."There was no change in the vampire."Come on, now.Don't make me tell you…tell you…"

It almost came out.Her defenses were down.She was scared for his life, thrilled that the world was safe, and ecstatic that she had her body back.Emotions were running high.Then it did come out.

"I love you.There!You happy?You made me admit it, now **GET UP you bloody wanker**!!"

Nothing.

Buffy slowly pushed her aching body up off the floor.Before she could stand up completely, a cold hand grasped her wrist.

"Yes.Now I'm happy."


	10. The Kiss

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 10

Willow pounded back down the stairs, the same way she had ascended them."Giles!Giles!"She ran right up to him and attempted to whisper into his ear."She…she…kissed him!"Her body jumped around like a Mexican bean.

"Wait.W-w-what?"

Willow could not contain her anxiety and blurted it out."Buffy…our Buffy…Slayer Buffy…kissed…Spike!"

"Well, sweety, I'm sure she feels some gratitude toward him for, um…for…"

"Can it, Tara!"Willow looked completely unrepentant for yelling at her lover.

"No, let's think about this logically.Tara's right."Willow's eyes grew large as Giles spoke."She and Spike spent some very intense time together.I'm sure it was just a friendly peck, yes?"He removed his glasses in a very Gilesian manner and cleaned them with an old handkerchief.

"Giles, she told him he'd never be lonely again.What the hell does that mean?That she wants to go out for a burger with him sometime?No!I'll tell you what it means.She loves him.I mean, she **told** me some of the things she learned about him in the last few hours and she sure seemed…googly eyed to me!"

"Maybe that's the Buffybot!"Xander was grasping for straws but received glares for his troubles.

"Ahhh!Giles, help."

"Um, Willow.What exactly do you have against him anyway?"Anya was afraid to look up at Willow's face, but she managed to squeak out her question while staring down at her diamond ring.

"Am I the only sane one in here, people?!"

"No.No, you are not.I think we will all agree that one vampire l-l-lover,"Giles attempted to compose himself again, "was one too many."

"No.Um, I don't agree."The glares now focused on Anya."Well, I used to be a demon.I'm starting to take all this Spike-bashing personally.I mean, I haven't killed anyone, or even thought about it, for months and months now.You don't all shun Xander for loving me!People do change, you know."

"But, Anya.Buffy has a track record with dangerously bad relationships."Xander gave her his patented condescending look.

"Let's not forget **your** highly successful past relationships, Alexander."Xander could have sworn he saw Anya's eyes glowing red.He closed his eyes, shook his head, then upon reopening, her eyes were their regular brown.

-Clink-

They all looked toward the sound and saw a lens on the floor, and a half empty glasses frame held tightly in Giles' hands between the cloth."I think I need a drink."He walked toward the kitchen as if in a daze, making it ¾ of the way there before he realized that only minors lived in the house."Willow.Can you please make me blind again?"

*************************************************************************

Buffy turned her head briskly to look at him.Though her words came out angry, the look in her eyes was anything but."So, you were listening the whole time!?"

This was the first time she had not shrunk away from his touch.The feel of her warm wrist in his hand was almost intoxicating.Electric shocks traveled up his arm, making the hairs on his body stand on end.A sinister smile crossed his lips for a moment as he briefly considered playing by telling her he had heard the whole thing.But he eventually thought better of it.Further evidence of his fall into Angel the Poof-dom.

"No, just that last part."The radiance of his smile embarrassed her a bit.

"Oh."

Spike sat up, then pulled her gingerly onto the bed with him.She complied and sat, but hung her head and remained silent.

The vampire, smile intact, tilted his head in order to see her face below the cascade of soft locks."Don't worry, luv.I won't tell anyone."He hoped that was all that was bothering her.If her actions were spawned from a different truth, say one such as the declaration of love was not real, then he knew his now delicate heart would not soon overcome it.Her unwillingness to reveal her sentiments for yet another vampire to her friends was understandable.Heck, even her reluctance to admit it to herself was something he could deal with.But he had allowed himself over the last day to believe that Buffy had begun to see him as something other than trash, a menace, a murderer.If any one took that slight hope away from him…

"Buffy?"

She raised her head slowly and met his eyes with hers.Spike felt this moment last for minutes, when in reality, it was seconds.He had never felt such fear in his life.Not when he faced the business end of a stake or the same end of a set of fangs.This woman simply terrified him.With one word or look, she could rip him to shreds.Ironic.She could never manage to kill him before…not in all the knock down, drag out fights they had had, each one swearing death to the other.They would spit and scream and bleed, but she could never hurt him.Now that she had wormed her way into his heart, all it would take was a word or a motion.Just a word.

Buffy had started about 23 sentences in her head.None of them seemed quite right to say at this moment.Perhaps the reason was that she wasn't exactly sure of what she was feeling.Her gut cramped from the anxiety of what was happening.Her heart throbbed from the pain of all her failed past loves.Her head ached from all she had learned about the previous beast, William the Bloody.Her back hurt from…well, okay, that was from the 20 story fall.In the end, she said nothing.

Buffy's soft hand reached up and cradled Spike's chin, intensifying their gaze.

Once again, sparks made their way through his body.Almost instinctively, he took her cheek in his hand.Then, suddenly, they were the only two beings left in the entire world.The color in the wallpaper faded, the dresser and chair dissipated, and Mr. Gordo lost his pink until he disappeared along with the rest.They were suspended in time, locked into each other.For a moment, it felt as if Buffy were still inside Spike.The distance between them shrunk and shrunk until…

Warm cherry lips met cold pale ones.They had kissed each other before, but not like this.Buffy extended her tongue to taste his lips.He was like candy to her: sweet, smooth and impossible to resist.She slowly sucked at his lower lip, exciting Spike beyond the ability to think clearly.His tongue answered in kind, tasting her for what he hoped would not be the last time.Buffy widened her exploration of him and begged for entrance into his cool mouth.As she tentatively entered, she nicked herself on a sharp fang.

Immediately, she withdrew, throwing herself back to stare at his bumpy face and yellow eyes.Buffy mumbled something that even she didn't really hear.But Spike heard it clear as a bell.

"What am I doing?"

His face instantly reaffixed itself to human form.Then the terror circulated throughout his body.

"You…please don't do this, Buffy."

"What am I doing?"She spoke louder and more forcefully, fear in her eyes.

His eyes pleaded with her and his arms shot out to hold her in place."You are doing what you want to do…what your body is telling you to do.I love you, Buffy.You can't deny your attraction to me any longer."

She had never seen him so helpless before.He was actually pleading with her.In the back of her head, she wondered if she had ever seen that behavior in a vampire before.

"I…I'm so scared, Spike."

"What?You're scared?"

"I've done this before, you know.I can't do it again."She shook her head.

His eyes flickered yellow for just a second as he firmed up his grip on her shoulders."You're not doing it again, Buffy.I'm not bloody Angel, alright?!I'm not going to leave you **ever**.**Ever**!Got that?"He shook her lightly and her eyes became a bit glossy."I'm not that prick who took you, then left.I'm not Captain Cardboard.I'm not leaving for the jungle because loving you is too hard.I.Am.Not.Leaving.You.I've been in love with you for so long.You're all I ever think about.You're all I've ever bloody wanted.I've let go of all I ever knew and I've changed to become someone I never knew was there…someone who was forgotten decades ago."He stared in her eyes, not seeing any change.

"And one soddin' night of bliss with you is not going to turn me into an animal, Buffy!What you see before you is me…ALL ME.I've got my bloody heart out here in front of you.It belongs to you.Now it's up to you to decided what you do with it, but I'll tell you this.I'll never hurt you, I'll never leave you, and I'll always love you."He finally let her go.His head bowed down slightly."And you can't tell me you don't love me, because I've seen inside you and I know better."

Buffy sat still for a while, then sighed."It'll only turn out badly.Buffy doesn't exactly have the best track record for healthy relationships.In the best case scenario, you'll end up dead."

"Then I died knowing the love of the most incredible woman I have ever met.And you know that means something coming from a 130 year old."Spike ventured to smirk a little.

Before he knew what was coming, Buffy's lips were upon his again.

**********************************************************************

A small figure peeked through a crack in the door."Oh, shit."

**********************************************************************

They relished each other for minutes until Buffy finally surfaced for air and uttered one little phrase."I can't hide this from them anymore."

To Be Continued


	11. Admission

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 11

Chatter filled the Summers' living room:The plans for tonight.The hot weather predicted for tomorrow.Has anyone seen my red shoe?I don't think that show's so great.What?Her deviled eggs were terrific.Oh, please, Lanier Demons?They're so last century.

The faint echo of conversation misted up the stairs, falling deaf on Xander's ears.He sat outside Buffy's door, leaning against the wall, his face a ghostly white and eyes focused on nothing.

*******************************************************************

Buffy broke the kiss to look in Spike's sparkling eyes.Shaking her head slightly, she mumbled, her smile never waning, "I'm gonna regret this."

"I won't let you."

That was one of the things about Spike that was a constant.His devotion.That, combined with his uncanny ability to impart upon others the bare, harsh truth, helped make up for all the reasons their relationship was so wrong.Spike was completely unlike any man she had ever loved.And not just physically.Given her history with affairs of the heart, perhaps this was of the good.

Buffy was the first to reluctantly exit the room.She didn't get far before tripping over a pale lump of Xander.

"What the hell are you doing?Eavesdropping?"

He slowly looked up at her with eyes near rage.

"There is something seriously wrong with you, Buffy!"

Suddenly, those in the living room scampered to the bottom of the stairs and all eyes were on Xander.All except Spike's.He was watching his Slayer, determined to keep his word.

"And **YOU**!You soulless, evil dead monster!I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but you're not doing it with my friend!"

At that, Xander lunged at the vampire, clocking him squarely in the jaw.His hand stung, but he bit the inside of his cheek, willing the pain away.Spike's head flew to the side minimally.When he turned to face the angry boy again, his expression was unreadable.The vampire was forced to walk the line between sticking up for himself and doing damage control.

Buffy looked down toward the stairwell.Willow's eyes were wide, as was her mouth, which she covered with her hand.Tara's face was one of confusion.Dawn tried hard to disguise her grin.Anya was mortified by her fiancé's behavior.Giles stood dumbfounded and on the verge of turning Ripper loose to aid Xander in his assault.

Xander gathered himself and went in for another strike.A strong, feminine hand caught it.Spike did not flinch.

"This is not about some game."Buffy met gazes with each and every one of them as she spoke."None of you know him the way I do now.I will not accept any snide remarks about him or us until you know what the hell you are talking about."

That left little room for discussion.Spike breathed and unnecessary sigh of relief. Buffy had stood by her decision to follow her heart.Perhaps The Powers That Be didn't have a grudge against him after all.

In a bold and unexpected move, Tara spoke up above the pregnant silence."Th-th-there's an u-us?"

Buffy searched her mind for a second, as if the answer to this question would commit her to that path forever more."Yes."

One simple word.Three letters.One syllable.Once meaning.Yet it changed their lives forever.No longer was it a black and white world with the humans against the demons.There were now evil humans and good demons with the whole world becoming shades of gray.


	12. Animosity and Prejudice

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 12

"Well, isn't this an interesting turn of events?" Giles purposely avoided looking at Buffy out of disappointment. Instead, he focused on Spike, giving new meaning to the phrase, 'if looks could kill'. Spike received his first taste of old Ripper, which made him wonder what darkness really lied underneath the 'mild mannered librarian' routine. Then, without warning, the Watcher turned on his heels and left. The front door swung partly open as the sound of angry footsteps echoed down the driveway.

Buffy couldn't believe the intensity of her friends' reactions. It was very reminiscent of the day they found out she had been harboring Angel upon his return from Hell. She supposed she couldn't blame them…at least completely. The Slayer wasn't certain herself what she was doing. It almost seemed as if this was her destiny, to love that which she was supposed to hate. Unfortunately, she was correct in her assessment earlier…they would never understand her darkness. They couldn't possibly fathom the depths it touched and the pain it caused as she fought to deny it, then later control it. To them, she was their pal Buffy: superhero, fashion expert, trustworthy adversary and friend. The draw to succumb to the pull of that Evil was greater than even Buffy would admit. The only one who could even begin to understand her core essence was Giles, but he was obviously in no mood to reminisce on his Ripper days and convey understanding. That brought her back to where she had started before Giles so forcefully declared his disapproval of her decision. Spike.

Despite what was happening in front of her, she found no desire to change her mind. Buffy knew now that she couldn't possibly deny how right it felt to finally admit her attraction to Spike. But it was certainly beyond mere attraction. She needed his perception. She needed his unconditional acceptance. She needed his company. She needed him…all of him. The light, the dark , the annoying, the sexy. Yes. Now she could finally admit it all, to herself and to her gang of evil fighters. And despite the ripples…tidal waves…it was causing, _this was right_. They would either have to get over it, or get out.

Amidst all her contemplation, she did not notice Xander and Anya's heated argument over in the corner. Spike looked on with some amusement as Anya fervently imparted her point of view upon the Xander whelp, giving him little room to display his own opinion. But then again no one needed to hear what he had to say. They all knew that he hated this thing Buffy had for vampires, as he would call it. And it didn't take a rocket scientist to see that the boy still had a thing for the golden Slayer. The way Spike figured it, no one but a man more bland than himself would be good enough for Buffy. 'No wonder he liked Fish-boy.'

Buffy glanced over at Spike, giving him a dirty look for his smirk. He just shrugged his shoulders.

"And another thing, you are not above Buffy, Willow or anyone else in this room, Alexander." He hated when she called him that. "You had sex with that Faith Slayer, you know. I'm sure none of your friends were any too happy about that one. But they didn't treat you like you want to treat Buffy right now. You better examine yourself, there, before you cast stones into glass houses, or something like that."

"This is ridiculous. You cannot compare Faith to some soulless killer. She was a human, and also a Slayer."

Buffy responded before Anya could. "Yeah, she has a soul and she's **still** a killer. What does that say to you Xander?"

He remained silent, unsure of what to say.

"I'll tell you what that says. You can't define something by the group they happen to fall in. Oh, and look! That's the definition of **_prejudice_**!" She folded her arms across her chest, determined to win this argument.

Ignoring the sneer across her boyfriend's face, Anya stepped toward Buffy and Spike. "You were never nasty to me, like some people in this room, Buffy. I want to thank you for that and I want to wish you all the luck in your relationship with Spike, the vampire. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some clothes of Xander's I need to shred into hundreds of tiny pieces." On her way out of the house, she glared at a shocked Xander.

"This is far from over, Buffy." He pointed his index finger at her.

Spike descended the stairs before Xander could even take his next breath. "No, this **is** over. Now. She's told you her intentions. She's explained herself. She's made it quite clear that she's not letting you bully her out of her decisions any more. She is her own person and she knows what the bloody hell she is doing. Stop," Spike poked the boy's shoulder with restrained power. "Pushing. Her. She has enough to deal with without having to worry if she is going to hurt your delicate sensitivities."

"Yeah, like you really give a damn about her. All you're doing…all you've ever tried to do, is get into her pants."

Buffy ran down the stairs to hopefully prevent some unfortunate occurrence that was sure to happen between the two posturing men. "Xander! That is enough." Buffy couldn't believe he was being so stubborn and just plain mean.

"Harris. You're making an ass of yourself here." Spike leaned in, breathing his cool breath at his ear. "If I wanted to simply get into her pants, as you so delicately put it, I could have pulled some 'Dracula mojo' by now and had myself a right good shag. You have to ask yourself why I haven't taken one of the many opportunities to do just that. I love the girl. I need her. And now, she needs me. Admit it. Get over it. Move on."

Spike immediately backed out of Xander's personal space to inspect what affect his words had had. "I'll believe it when I see it."

Spike sighed and shook his head, turning to leave the room. Willow grabbed his arm on the way past. "We have a zero tolerance policy for anyone who messes with Buffy. Got it? You hurt her, we hurt you."

"Got it."

"You so much as look at her the wrong way, I'll personally see to it that you don't dissolve into dust, but that you suffer torment for the rest of eternity. We sent Angel to Hell and we can do worse to you."

They all knew that she had nothing to do with sending Angel to Hell, but the point was certainly taken. "If I hurt Buffy, I'd kill myself before you could get the chance."

"Good. As long as we're cleared on that." Willow gave him a small smile and squeezed his arm approvingly. Then she turned to Tara, giving her a wordless message that it was time to go. On their way out the door, they grabbed Xander against his protests and dragged him out of the house.

"Well that went well, don't you think." The teenage voice lofted from the kitchen and they looked around to see Dawn sitting on the floor.

"All right, Dawn. Your turn." Buffy just sighed and resigned herself to one more barrage of self-righteousness.

"What? I don't have anything to say."

"Why not? You might as well make it unanimous. 'Buffy's gone insane and taken Spike with her.'"

"Nope."

Spike smiled knowingly as he crossed over to her and mussed up her hair. "See, Buffy? We have one supporter."

"Woopty freakin' doo." Buffy collapsed on the couch. "This sucks."

"They'll get over it, Buff. They always do. They know better than to try and control your feelings. I mean, I gave up years ago."

"You really don't hate the idea of me and Spike?"

"Are you kidding? I've been watching you deny your attraction to him for years."

"WHAT?!"

"I'm a teenager, not a blind man."

Buffy looked over at Spike, who just shrugged his shoulders again. "The kid's got a point."

"I'm not listening to this. I'm going up stairs to clean up my bedroom," at this she gave the vampire a pointed look. On her way up the stairs, she looked over her shoulder and nonchalantly shout out to Dawn, "Oh, and Spike will be staying with us from now on."

**********************************************************************


	13. Thank God for Sisters

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 13 

Dawn opened Buffy's door, expecting to see her picking up shards of glass and porcelain. Instead, she found an empty room. Mr. Gordo lay on the sink in quiet survey of the miracle that had taken place in here just days ago. Dawn retreated, closing the door quietly. From downstairs, she could hear cupboard doors opening and closing in the kitchen.

"Buffy?" There was no answer, save some shuffling noises coming from Mom's old room.

"What-cha doin'?"

"Fixing it up for Spike." Buffy was standing on a chair, hanging heavy blankets over the window.

"Yeah, about that. I like Spike as much as the next guy. Okay, make that more than the next guy. But why is he staying with us?" Buffy let out another sigh, and sat on the bed, motioning for Dawn to join her. The younger sister sat carefully, in awe of the older one's drastic change in attitude toward the vampire.

"Spike and I have a lot in common. I'm not gonna go into it all with you. Ley's just say he needs us and we need him, okay?"

"Cool. Does this mean you won't be freaking anymore when I hang out with him?" Her face looked hopeful.

"Yes, but he is still to allowed to share stories about abused children in coal bins." The elder gave the younger a parental stare, earning a giggle from Dawn. "Do you think Mom would approve?"

Buffy looked a bit sad, but pushed the feeling away, forcing herself to answer her sister's question. "Of Spike staying here or him using her room?"

"Both. Either."

"I think she liked Spike. I know for a fact that she liked him more than she did Angel."

Dawn just smirked. "I can't imagine why…"

"While we're on the subject…"

"Oh, please don't start with the Angel thing again. I just didn't like him, okay?"

"Why? Because he wasn't scary and naughty and didn't tell you bedtime/horror stories?"

"No, because he wasn't good for you."

"Oh, yeah. And you think **_Spike_** is?"

"I can't put my finger on it. With Angel, you cried all the time, You moped, and brooded and became Depressed Buffy. Whenever you're with Spike, it's like he brings another part of you out to play. You seem more alive with him." She threw herself back onto the bed, legs still dangling. "He makes you Fun Buffy. Well, when he's not pissing you off."

"Hey, now. Language."

"Oh, please. I think we're long past protecting my virgin ears."

"Maybe. But I can still try, can't I?"

"No. Give it up."

****************************************************************************

Spike had given up on finding something decent to eat downstairs, and now stood in the doorway to Joyce's bedroom. The two Summers' girls were ribbing each other and giggling up a storm. Perhaps Buffy was right. If this is what it meant to live with a family, then he was sure to never choose an empty crypt again.

"Is this alright with li'l sis? Me stayin' and all?"

"I think I can handle it. Just don't hog the bathroom, and don't leave the toilet seat up." At that, the girls' laughter started anew. Spike felt the urge to remind her that he didn't have any use for her bathroom, but quickly caught on to the joke.

"Oh, and another thing," Dawn ground out through the hilarity. "Try to keep the volume of your sexual escapades to a respectable level on Saturday mornings!" Dawn caught up in the hysteria, lost all sense of tact and continued to laugh it up. Buffy's giggles stopped instantly and were replaced with a look of terror. Spike overcame his initial embarrassment and addressed the offending teenager.

"Um, Dawn. I'm staying here because your sis asked me to. Not to shag her, okay?" Buffy buried her head in her hands, very close to bolting from the room. "She's just barely able to accept me as a friend. There will be no 'sexual escapades' any time soon." At that, Buffy did dash from the room.

"Oh, buggar. And where did you learn such offensive morals in the first place, little one?"

"Don't give me that innocent act. I know what you built that robot for. And it wasn't for a Checkers partner."

She had him there. What had he built a Buffy robot for, anyhow? It certainly wasn't for the stimulating conversation. The bot had proven to be a bit airy between the ears.

"I won't pretend it had nothing to do with sex. But that wasn't the initial purpose. I needed Buffy, Nibblet. I needed her more than I had ever needed a person before. I told her how I felt and she deinvited me from her life. I couldn't stand the loneliness any more. And that's what **_this_** is about. Buffy doesn't want to be alone anymore either."

"Yeah, I get that."

"And for God's sake. Don't say anything so bloody stupid again, or she'll change her mind. Okay?"

"Sorry, Spike." Dawn dipped her head, then rolled her eyes up toward him - puppy dog fashion. Spike reached out and pet the top of her brown head, then shoved it back gently in a playful manner.

To Be Continued


	14. The Wedding

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 14

Things eventually settled down over the next couple of weeks.Spike had moved the few items he wanted from his crypt into Joyce's room, which had quickly grown to be Spike's room.His goodbyes to his former home were brief.There wasn't much he would miss about the old place.

The Summers' daughters hastily replaced the old refrigerator after several heated arguments over the smell of blood seeping into the milk and cheese, among other things.Buffy had originally thought of putting a dorm size fridge in his room, but then strangely changed her mind when it felt too much like isolating Spike from the family.Ergo, a brand new, shiny appliance, complete with a half dozen boxes of baking soda.

Willow sat Giles down the day after Buffy's awakening.The discussion that ensued may have been intense for a while, but the red headed witch managed to calm the Watcher's anger and smooth away most of his misgivings for William the Bloody.For Xander, she had to take a slightly different approach.She, Tara and Anya ambushed him, forcing him to listen to reason.

Meanwhile, back at the Summers' home, things had grown more comfortable than Spike or Buffy would have ever expected.Spike had quit smoking once Buffy started dipping his cigarettes in holy water.And thus was borne a long tradition of practical jokes that served to garnish their lives.The vampire's response to that trick was to replace the Ragu Spaghetti sauce with month old blood.The next week, Buffy and Dawn gathered up a few gallons of holy water with which to do the household laundry.Once Spike realized what was giving him the burning rashes, he pulled out all the stops.Buffy found various demon organs in her pillow case.Spike lay down to find crosses under the fitted sheet.Buffy received a panicked call from Willow demanding to know if her pregnancy was true.And so it went.Each trying to out do the other.It just didn't seem natural to be too cordial to each other.Once the animosity and blood lust was a thing of an era gone by, they felt compelled to replace it with something else.They never really hurt each other.They only managed to gall the other just enough to elicit a response.

And this is how they grew closer.

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"Are you nervous?"

"Hell, yeah, I'm nervous.Remind me again why I'm doing this."

"Because you love her."Giles smiled warmly as he straightened the groom's tie."And besides.It has taken forever for you to get to this point and I think we all agree that it is time you two wed."

***

Buffy stared out the window in just her slip, bra and panty hose.

"What's the hold up, Buffy?"

"Just thinking."

"Don't worry.You did fine at the rehearsal.It's no biggie."Willow put one hand on her shoulder.

"Yes, it is a biggie.It's the biggest biggie.This changes everything."

"The first of our Scooby Gang to get married."Willow lost herself in contemplation for a moment."Ooh.Sends shivers down your spine.Does this mean we're," she swallowed hard, "adults now?"

"'Fraid so, Will."

***

"You look great, Spike!"Dawn ran up to the vampire, who now had mostly brown hair.He held the girl at a distance.

"I look like a bleedin' pansy is what I look like.Xander made me wear this."

"Well, it wouldn't do to walk down the aisle in your usual, now would it?"She crossed her arms and raised one eyebrow, a trick she studied long and hard to learn to imitate from her favorite vampire.

"Yeah, well," Spike looked down at her feet for a second, then scanned up her whisper blue satin dress."You look…you're…"

"Bloody stupid.Yeah.I know."She grabbed the edges of the material, flaring them out with a disappointing look on her face."I look like I belong in the Miss Airhead Pageant."

A pale hand grabbed one of hers."No.You're…lovely."

She blushed, then punched at him halfheartedly."Shut up."

Someone from the hallway yelled, "Let's get this show on the road!"

"I guess this is it then."Dawn turned to leave but hesitated."If you think I look good, just wait until you see Buffy."

She didn't see it.She knew she wouldn't.But she also knew that it was there.That look of wanton desire that only came when he thought about her sister.

***

"Oh, would you please stop fidgeting?"

"I can't help it."He leaned over to his best man."You still got those rings, right?"

"For the fifth time, YES!Now shush.Here she comes."

There was no organ.There was no flower girl.There was no photographer.There was no 'here comes the bride'.But the occasion could not have been more perfect.She walked down the aisle like a princess destined to be with her prince charming forever more.Once she reached him, they grasped each other's hands and held on as if for dear life.The longing looks in their eyes finally waned and they turned toward the judge.

"Ladies and gentlemen.We are all gathered here today to witness the joining of this man and this woman in wedlock."

Dawn leaned secretively to Willow and whispered, "fifteen bucks he has no clue what kind of people he's marrying."Willow glared at her before returning her attention to the judge.

"Will the couple please join hands?"They did.

"Now, the rings."Giles reached in one pocket, then another."Hold on.Just a moment."He patted himself frantically before finally finding the two gold rings in the original pocket.

"Okay, who's bloody idea was it to give the rings to the old man?"Giles responded with a gentle 'shut up, Spike' as he thrust them at the groom.

"Very good.Now repeat after me.I, Xander Harris."

"I, Xander Harris."

"Do take this woman, Anya…um, just Anya."

"Take Anya…"

***

Spike's hearing blanked out after that.In fact, the whole world dropped away once he really caught sight of Buffy.Her dress was a bit on the tacky side, which was only to be expected, judging from the bride's taste.But, he'd be damned if she didn't fill it just perfectly.She chose to leave her hair down that night.It was curled just so, and it cascaded off her shoulders like sunlight on the still ocean.Her makeup was minimal but accentuated her gorgeous hazel eyes.And those lips.So red and inviting.He tore his eyes away and scanned down her body.The dress left everything to the imagination, but he already had ever curve and line memorized.His mind wandered to the last time he had seen those hips and that waist emphasized just so.It was last week – in the kitchen.She had just come from training and complained about it being too hot.He had taken a hand full of ice and dropped it right down the front of her skimpy tank top.Before she could do the same in retaliation, he had seen her erect nipples through the thin material, and chose to retreat to the living room.She had asked what was wrong, but how could he possibly tell her?It had taken her months to go from hating him to trusting him with her sister and her life.Then, it took literally seeing him from the inside for her to let him into her heart.If he pushed things too hard, she was likely to back slide and accuse him of, well, the same things Xander once had on that fateful day.

So, Spike took himself, and his growing sexual frustration, elsewhere.

***

"I now pronounce you man and wife."

Anya quickly corrected him, "Husband and wife!"

"Yes, of course.You may now kiss…the groom."

Xander turned to his new wife, Mrs. Anya Harris, and kissed her like he had never kissed her before.When they separated, the entire wedding party looked upon them and saw tears streaking down Xander's face.

To Be Continued


	15. The Reception

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Part 15

The size of the reception served as a barometer for their lives.They never realized before how close knit and isolated they had all become.Anya had no other friends or family.Xander would have sooner invited Spike's family than have to put up with his own.Therefore the dance floor had plenty of space, what with eightmember of the Scooby Gang, Willow's parents and some guys from Xander's work site.Nevertheless, the small banquet hall shined and glittered from not only the large disco ball, but also from the relief felt by being involved in a normal human activity.Sure, not all in attendance were actually human, but they all had been at one time.

Once the obligatory first dance was over, they were each snatched up by another.

***

"So.This is a typical human festivity?"Anya looked over Spike's shoulder at the other dancing couples as their bodies continued to sway together.

"Yeah.Makes you proud to be a demon, doesn't it?"

"Huh?"

"Look at 'em all.Bunch of Nancy-boys in penguin suits actin' all giddy, while the girls do the same.A celebration of the woman dominatin' a man.That's all it is."

Anya stepped away to look in his face."Is that what you think?No wonder I became a vengeance demon with a bunch of 'you's' walking around." He shrugged his shoulders."I'll remember you said that when it's your turn."They spun around a bit and Anya could see Buffy and Xander dancing.

"My…my turn?!"His mouth made some sort of 'pshaw' sound and his eyes glazed over a bit."Never.I'm my own man."

"Vampire," she corrected.

"Yeah.Well, no woman is ever gonna dictate the rest of **my** life."From behind him, Spike heard a sweet voice, "Spike!Come over here."He immediately took his leave of Anya and made a bee line to Buffy.

"Sure, Spike.Whatever you say."Anya let out a giggle.

***

"So, this is a normal person's life, huh?"Buffy looked over Xander's shoulder at the other dancing couples.

"Nice and normal.Just how I like it.The only demon we've seen hide or hair of is your boyfriend."

"Yeah, and for once, my boyfriend hasn't tried to eat me or my friends.It's a big day for Buffy."Their faces lit up together.

"So, I take it he's been behaving himself.Paper trained and all?Refraining from biting the mail man?"

"He's a vampire, not a werewolf."

Conversation lulled for a moment as Buffy tried tolose herself in this wonderful feeling of normalcy.

"Buffster?"

"Yeah."

"I admit it when I'm wrong, and I was wrong."

"Sorry Xander.You can't back out of it now.The marriage is a done deal."She gave him a knowing smile.

"No.I meant Spike."

"Oh.The Evil Dead?"

"He still gets on my nerves, but he's been true to his word.He's never hurt you, and more importantly, he's hasn't tried to kill any of us.He's…he's alright."

Buffy's face lit up."Really?"

"Really."

"So, you wouldn't be upset if I told you I was having his baby?"

"What?!"His scream would have attracted everyone's attention had Buffy not covered his mouth with her hand.

"Joke, Xander.Look up the meaning if you don't get it."

"Don't you **ever** do that again!"

She laughed at his breathless statement.

"Well, at least you and he doing the nasty doesn't turn him into a homicidal maniac."

Buffy stopped matching his lead and stared him straight in the eye."There has been no 'nasty', okay?I can't even believe you could say that!Me and Spike.Pshhh.That's…I mean, Spike?Spike.Hmph."Her arms dropped from his shoulders and sweat began to bead on her forehead."Do **that**?I…I…he…"

Xander looked at her incredulously."Okay Buffy.Turn the mouth down there.You can't possibly tell me he hasn't made some sort of move, right?"

Her eyes widened."No.He hasn't."

"Well, then I really owe him an apology."An aura of sadness washed over her.

"Is there something wrong with me, Xander?"

"Aside fromthat little turn to your nose and that you're far too thin?"

"No, no.I mean…hey.What's wrong with my nose?"

"Nothing.You're perfect.Perhaps he's trying to prove that he's not just after your body.Gotta give the guy some credit.He lives with you for months, sleeping in the room next to yours, knowing that you're naked just across the hall in the bathroom, and yet manages to be a complete gentleman.It's a miracle.It's nauseating."

"Yeah."Her first instinct was to associate his staying with the fact that they had ever had sex.Self doubt crept up into her fragile psyche.Would he abandon her like the rest once they consummated their love?

"Oh, wait.I know what you're thinking."

"You do?"

"You think he's lost interest in you."

"Um, actually, no, but thanks for giving me something else to obsess about."

"Here.Let me prove something to you."He addressed Spike, "Yo!Spike!"The vampire showed no response.He simply continued his conversation with Anya."Now, you.Call him over here."

Buffy looked at him skeptically. "He obviously can't hear us."

"Just do it," Xander nudged.

"Spike!Come on over."

He seemed to stop in mid sentence and scamper to her side.The two laughed to the dismay of the newcomer."What's so funny, Slayer?"

She broke her laugh to answer him."Nothing.But Xander has something to say to you."

Spike raised his eyebrows for a second, then narrowed his eyes."What did I bloody do now, wanker?"

Xander fought back the irritation that Spike's language always evoked, then slapped him on the back."I want to tell you I was wrong and out of line that day."

"Can you be a bit more specific?You're usually wrong about something at least daily."

Xander pleaded with Buffy."Can I stake him now, please?"A firm look was her reply.

"The day Buffy told us about you and her being…together.You've proved to me that you've really changed, Spike.And I want to thank you for looking out for our Buffy."

Spike was stunned silent for a moment.When no one said anything, he looked down at his shoes, then meekly answered, "Thanks, mate."

By the time he looked back up, Xander was gone and Buffy was giving him some goofy, love sick expression.One quick glance around satisfied her that they would not be missed if they disappeared.'Just for a minute,' she reminded herself.Buffy took Spike's hand and led him to the empty banquet hall next door.

***

"Now, this is better."Her lips curved into a warm smile.

"What's all this then, luv?"Confusion crossed the vampire's handsome features.She rarely pulled him aside for a discussion, and when she did, it always turned into a one way conversation, with her scolding him for some outrageous or disgusting behavior. It did not bode well.

"I just…I've been wondering about something."

He was tempted to prompt her to continue, but wasn't exactly sure he wanted to hear what she had to say.

"I think I know you pretty well…too damn well."

"True."

"You are a passionate person.You don't just want to taste life, you want to devour it whole.When you want something, you stop at nothing to get get it."

He couldn't help but answer the question he saw in her eyes."That I am.What of it?"One eyebrow raised for effect.

"I noticed…"She shut her eyes."You don't…you never…"

Now the conversation was scaring the hell out of him.What the heck was it he had done wrong?He became terrified of losing her love before he had ever fully earned it.

"Don'tyouwantme?"The air silenced.Two creatures stared at each other, motionless.She, afraid of the answer.He, in a quandary as to what she was talking about.

"What kind of bloody question is that?!"

The force of his answer startled her, and she flinched.

"You never touch me.You never look at me with desire.You never respond to my advances.But then again, if you did, and we made love, I'm afraid you'd leave me anyhow.So, to tell you the truth, I don't know what to think of what to do."

A pale finger landed across her lops"Did anyone ever tell you you think too much?"At that, the finger was replaced with his lips.

To Be Continued


	16. Epilogue

New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

Epilogue

"Your hair is sticking straight up, luv."Spike reached up and roughly brushed her hair back into place. 

"Well, yours isn't much better."Her hands went to comb through his hair but were stopped by his own.Spike held her sweaty palms in his while he stared intently into her eyes. 

"Thank you." 

Buffy thought about his comment momentarily, unable to determine what he meant."Thank me?" 

A small smile crossed his lips."Thank you for giving me a chance to love you the way I always wanted to."He took a deep breath, then continued while stroking her hair."You didn't have to love me.You could have just accepted me as a friend and I would have been able to die happy…again.Not the happy part, the dying part.Anyhow, the point being, I couldn't be any more content than I am at this moment.So, thank you." 

"Oh, good.I thought you were thanking me for the sex we just had." 

"Well, I'll do better than that once I get you alone."His expression then changed from one of lust to evilness."Speaking of interruptions, can I eat the red head?Please?" 

She raised one eyebrow, mirroring his own look."Only if I don't get to her first." 

***************************************************************** 

The haphazard couple entered the Harris Wedding reception to see all eyes trained on them.The moment Anya saw a smile cross her husband's face, she dropped her thin veil of tact."See, Xander.Were not the only ones who have sex in grossly inappropriate places!" 

Giles shook his head slightly, then took another slug off his rum and coke.Buffy's face flushed violently, but she was determined to keep her composure.Spike felt a pull from two directions.On one hand, he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs that the Slayer loved him and just shagged him.On the other hand, he wanted to say something incredibly witty and insightful, designed to put Buffy at ease.In the end, he just smiled like a boy who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

"Can we please focus on the Bride and not her errant Bride's Maid?"Anya tapped her foot and scowled at her audience.Willow gently turned her away from the group, whispering in her ear.Anya's face glowed as she allowed herself to be manipulated by her Maid of Honor.Then the witch backed up and instructed the Bride to throw the bouquet. 

Now, there are some who say what happened next was a fluke.But those who know better call it destiny. 

*** 

The single women, that is, all the women of this evening's activities, gathered expectantly behind the ivory clad ex-demon.Anticipation filled the air like a thick fog that not even headlights could cut through.Meanwhile, the men sat to the side, in a complete daze, unaware of the utmost importance of the upcoming ritual.Spike, Xander and Giles lounged together, drinking and offhandedly discussing…well, anything to make them feel manlier. 

"So, this inane gesture means what exactly?"Giles lifted his glass up to his lips. 

Xander looked at his Best Man with a look of comisery."Anya throws her bouquet and whoever catches it is the next of the group to marry, I guess."He turned his head back to the women, trying to get another view of his lovely Bride. 

Spike raised an eyebrow."Sounds a bit poncy to me, mates." 

"Yeah, well, Anya wanted to do it this way."Simultaneously, their heads turned toward the ladies. 

***************** 

Anya bent over and down with her flowers.Then, the scene switched to slow motion as her body straightened, arms flying upward, fingers slowly letting go.The bouquet flung out of her hands, then tumbled through the air toward four waiting sets of arms.Head over tail, again and again.Little heads of baby's breath flailed off at a tangent and leaves shot toward the gentlemen at the bar.One set of arms opened wider in anticipation of catching the mystical bunch of flowers.It came closer and closer and the woman's smile got larger and larger until… 

"Oof!"Spike dove toward Dawn upon seeing the bouquet in her vicinity and shoved both her and the offending buds off in separate directions.With its new trajectory, the bunch of flowers sailed toward the next set of arms…two sets to be exact.Then, it landed. 

Anya swung around, excited to see who the next Bride would be.She paused for a moment, regarding the scene before her.Dawn and Spike lay on the floor, each with their unique facial expressions.Buffy stood over them with her hands on her hips and a scowl on her face.Then, in the background of it all stood Willow and Tara, complete with goofy, lovesick smiles.The bouquet rested daintily between their two sets of hands. 

*** 

Dawn shoved Spike away from her, then hastily stood, dusting off her tacky, blue dress."What was that for, you undead jerk?!" 

His gaze switched from Dawn's angry face to the interested one of Buffy.He thought carefully about his next words, then sighed."Harris told me the meaning behind this soddin' thing," he said as he motioned toward the mess of flowers, "and it's bloody well not gonna be you, platelet."

And at that moment, Spike became a true member of the Summers family.

******

The End


End file.
